mothers and children. life and death.
so I began reading "crazy love" by Francis Chan last week for probably the 5th time. I really love the beginning of this book and I know I would enjoy the whole book. however, I hate reading. hopefully I will finish it this time.
anyway in the beginning it talks about how amazing the works of God are.
so this lead me to ponder some other things about God's creation.
dear, dear friends of ours buried their 20 year old daughter this past week. she fought the bravest fight I have ever seen, for several years. Her sisters and parents have shown more grace and strength through all of it. more than I ever imagined possible. she left many lives forever changed. the hardest part in all of it is the void that will forever be in her parents' hearts. it isn't supposed to happen that way. parents burying their children. it has to be the most intense pain imaginable.
I watched my in laws experience the same loss almost 4 years ago when we lost Aaron's sister. and my grandparents lost their younger son before I was ever born. my grandfather lived over 25 years after his son's death and I know that it was something he never "got past". it isn't something you can get past.
I am now on the other side of that. I have seen first hand on a daily basis how a child responds when they don't have their parents. they know who and how their parents are. and they also know who and how their parents should be, without anyone telling them. the two don't match up. and you can see the daily struggle in everything they do. they want so badly for the two people who gave them life to be there in the way that was intended. it is so bizarre to me that at such a young age, the presence of that void is so obvious.
my mother has been out of the country since Saturday and I am having the hardest time just not being able to call her. like I am not capable of making simple decisions without her approval or advice...
so why are we as human beings like this. I don't know a lot about the psychology of wild animals but I know that by and large, the bonds between parents and offspring are minimal. most animals do not even see their children once they are old enough to live on their own. they don't long for each other or morn their death. so why did God create us this way? it seems like so much potential for so much uneccesarry heart ache.
I met a new client last week and while I was cutting her hair she mentioned she had buried one of her 3 adult daughters 4 years ago. she talked about how hard it has been. but I could definitely tell she is healing, as much as possible. and is living the life her daughter would have wanted for her. my heart broke for her. but she said to me, "even if I had known I would lose my daughter, I wouldn't have undone any of it. living the rest of my life without her will be hard but it is worth the life I shared with her."
we took the boys to the aquarium today. I was so excited. mostly because I love seeing them happy. there is no greater joy for me.
I was holding them as they looked at the fish all around them. they sat in my lap during the dolphin show (which was amazing). and I loved every minute of it.
I couldn't stop running my fingers through their curly hair and kissing their sweet cheeks. I was so overjoyed to be with them while they were having such a good time. and that is what made it all click for me.
God wanted us to realize how He feels for us. He mourns when His children turn away from Him. He rejoices in our love for Him. He hates us being sad and loves to see us happy. and their is so much joy in watching your children. if there was no pain in death, there would be no joy in life. how magnificent!
and speaking of magnificent, I will leave you with my favorite picture of the day. this is "our boys" with their baby brother's foster brother and sister. who's parents I have known for over 10 years now. it's like the 9 of us were meant to be together all along. if that isn't magnificent, I don't know what is.
anyway in the beginning it talks about how amazing the works of God are.
so this lead me to ponder some other things about God's creation.
dear, dear friends of ours buried their 20 year old daughter this past week. she fought the bravest fight I have ever seen, for several years. Her sisters and parents have shown more grace and strength through all of it. more than I ever imagined possible. she left many lives forever changed. the hardest part in all of it is the void that will forever be in her parents' hearts. it isn't supposed to happen that way. parents burying their children. it has to be the most intense pain imaginable.
I watched my in laws experience the same loss almost 4 years ago when we lost Aaron's sister. and my grandparents lost their younger son before I was ever born. my grandfather lived over 25 years after his son's death and I know that it was something he never "got past". it isn't something you can get past.
I am now on the other side of that. I have seen first hand on a daily basis how a child responds when they don't have their parents. they know who and how their parents are. and they also know who and how their parents should be, without anyone telling them. the two don't match up. and you can see the daily struggle in everything they do. they want so badly for the two people who gave them life to be there in the way that was intended. it is so bizarre to me that at such a young age, the presence of that void is so obvious.
my mother has been out of the country since Saturday and I am having the hardest time just not being able to call her. like I am not capable of making simple decisions without her approval or advice...
so why are we as human beings like this. I don't know a lot about the psychology of wild animals but I know that by and large, the bonds between parents and offspring are minimal. most animals do not even see their children once they are old enough to live on their own. they don't long for each other or morn their death. so why did God create us this way? it seems like so much potential for so much uneccesarry heart ache.
I met a new client last week and while I was cutting her hair she mentioned she had buried one of her 3 adult daughters 4 years ago. she talked about how hard it has been. but I could definitely tell she is healing, as much as possible. and is living the life her daughter would have wanted for her. my heart broke for her. but she said to me, "even if I had known I would lose my daughter, I wouldn't have undone any of it. living the rest of my life without her will be hard but it is worth the life I shared with her."
we took the boys to the aquarium today. I was so excited. mostly because I love seeing them happy. there is no greater joy for me.
I was holding them as they looked at the fish all around them. they sat in my lap during the dolphin show (which was amazing). and I loved every minute of it.
God wanted us to realize how He feels for us. He mourns when His children turn away from Him. He rejoices in our love for Him. He hates us being sad and loves to see us happy. and their is so much joy in watching your children. if there was no pain in death, there would be no joy in life. how magnificent!
i love love it
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