a letter for ittybitty
dear ittybitty,
it is the beginning of a new year! 2017! you are 3. you are still such a little guy. maybe this year will bring a much anticipated growth spurt for you. you have been living with us for 11 months. to know you is to love you. I know I am partial. but you charm the socks off of everyone you meet. you are SO loved. and so rotten.
we are excited for what this year holds. your "big brothers" (this might be news to you, but they are not your biological brothers 😉) will be adopted by me and Aaron soon. and we will be going on an extra special and fun vacation to celebrate. your brothers adoption will be one of the greatest days of our lives to this point. we are so looking forward to this.
but today, as I anticipate what 2017 will bring, I hold my breath a little bit. you see, I know that 2017 will have several really good days. but if I am honest. I fear there will also be a day in 2017 that will become the worst day of my life. I don't like to fear. God isn't in fear. yet here I am. afraid. you see. Aaron and I are foster parents. we have parented 5 children thru the foster care system. we have loved each child the best we could at that time. we had to tell two different children goodbye. and it was hard.
we really have no idea which way your future will go next. but my fear is that this year, we will have to tell you goodbye. we don't know for certain. you may be with us forever. but there is a chance you won't. and that a day will come in 2017 when we aren't your home anymore. the thought of this is terrifying. you are the youngest child we have ever said "yes" to. you entered our home full of love and joy. the chemistry between you and us and your brothers was instant. and the same could be said about your relationship with our extended and church family. I have never seen anything so natural and beautiful.
we went through this same process with both of your brothers. all these sames fears. but that certainly doesn't make this any easier. I know that the Lord is holding you in His hand. I am thrilled to parent you as long as needed. and I try to find comfort in knowing that if 2017 does bring a day when you leave our home, that He will hold and comfort all of us through that transition.
but anyway. in the event that that day does come. there are a few things I hope you know. I hope you know that I love you. every part of you. and that I will love you forever. the rest of my life and beyond. no matter what.
I also hope, that in your time with us, you have begun to understand how much God loves you. as soon as you are old enough to know your story, you will no doubt question God's presence in this world and these situations. I know because it made me question too. but God was quick to remind me that He is in this. His hand is on you. He is setting you apart and has an amazing plan for your life.
I hope you gain a healthy knowledge of the fact, that though you are ridiculously adorable and charming, you are not perfect and your smile is not a "get out of jail free" card. I hope that you stay sweet and funny. I hope that you are kind and confident and brave.
most of all, I hope that if you ever lose your way, that you will find me. you have had my heart from the day I met you. and I will always keep you there.
I am writing you this letter on new years day. I love celebrating New Year's! Aaron and I got married on New Year's Eve. it is a time full of excitement of things to come. on this new year's day, I am a little less than excited. but I am still choosing hope. if there is ever a day that comes your way, where the future doesn't exactly look bright, don't let the weight of the uncertainty stop you. chose HOPE. and know that you are in my heart forever. I love you.
it is the beginning of a new year! 2017! you are 3. you are still such a little guy. maybe this year will bring a much anticipated growth spurt for you. you have been living with us for 11 months. to know you is to love you. I know I am partial. but you charm the socks off of everyone you meet. you are SO loved. and so rotten.
we are excited for what this year holds. your "big brothers" (this might be news to you, but they are not your biological brothers 😉) will be adopted by me and Aaron soon. and we will be going on an extra special and fun vacation to celebrate. your brothers adoption will be one of the greatest days of our lives to this point. we are so looking forward to this.
but today, as I anticipate what 2017 will bring, I hold my breath a little bit. you see, I know that 2017 will have several really good days. but if I am honest. I fear there will also be a day in 2017 that will become the worst day of my life. I don't like to fear. God isn't in fear. yet here I am. afraid. you see. Aaron and I are foster parents. we have parented 5 children thru the foster care system. we have loved each child the best we could at that time. we had to tell two different children goodbye. and it was hard.
we really have no idea which way your future will go next. but my fear is that this year, we will have to tell you goodbye. we don't know for certain. you may be with us forever. but there is a chance you won't. and that a day will come in 2017 when we aren't your home anymore. the thought of this is terrifying. you are the youngest child we have ever said "yes" to. you entered our home full of love and joy. the chemistry between you and us and your brothers was instant. and the same could be said about your relationship with our extended and church family. I have never seen anything so natural and beautiful.
we went through this same process with both of your brothers. all these sames fears. but that certainly doesn't make this any easier. I know that the Lord is holding you in His hand. I am thrilled to parent you as long as needed. and I try to find comfort in knowing that if 2017 does bring a day when you leave our home, that He will hold and comfort all of us through that transition.
but anyway. in the event that that day does come. there are a few things I hope you know. I hope you know that I love you. every part of you. and that I will love you forever. the rest of my life and beyond. no matter what.
I also hope, that in your time with us, you have begun to understand how much God loves you. as soon as you are old enough to know your story, you will no doubt question God's presence in this world and these situations. I know because it made me question too. but God was quick to remind me that He is in this. His hand is on you. He is setting you apart and has an amazing plan for your life.
I hope you gain a healthy knowledge of the fact, that though you are ridiculously adorable and charming, you are not perfect and your smile is not a "get out of jail free" card. I hope that you stay sweet and funny. I hope that you are kind and confident and brave.
most of all, I hope that if you ever lose your way, that you will find me. you have had my heart from the day I met you. and I will always keep you there.
I am writing you this letter on new years day. I love celebrating New Year's! Aaron and I got married on New Year's Eve. it is a time full of excitement of things to come. on this new year's day, I am a little less than excited. but I am still choosing hope. if there is ever a day that comes your way, where the future doesn't exactly look bright, don't let the weight of the uncertainty stop you. chose HOPE. and know that you are in my heart forever. I love you.
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