termination of parental rights part 2
so May of 2015 I blogged about our first court experience . and it was the one where they started the tpr process. so yesterday, almost 16 months later. we went back to court for them to officially make these children (our oldest two boys and their younger brother who lives with a friend of ours) legally free for adoption. it was a tense day. the waiting are is big with a long bench on each side of the room. we sat on one bench. we got there at 9 and waited for our case to be called. the biological families of the boys trickled in throughout the morning and sat on the bench across from us. it was a sobering feeling. seeing their features on strangers' faces. they have a connection to them that can never be replicated or replaced. and in their eyes, we are taking something away from them that isn't ours. we waited. I am not sure how long. there were 8 cases that morning and I think we were number 6 or 7 to be called. their mother never showed. that bumps you down in order of priority.
I expected for what happened in the court room to get pretty dramatic. it didn't really. things were pretty cut and dry at this point. the boys have been in care for 30 months. the law states that the court will do everything in their power to have them in permanent situations within 12 months. yesterday was long over due.
so yesterday rights were officially terminated. the next time we go in the court room, we will come out with pictures of faces we can post and new names that we can tell you. that is very exciting to think about. and hopefully by then I will be ready to rejoice. but today I almost feel like I am in mourning. I never wanted it this way. my hopes and dreams for our boys consisted of us being in their lives, but while they lived with their mother. I wanted her to have her children in her home again. I wanted them to see her as their Momma. I would have been more than happy to be a friend that loved on them and offered support as needed, while she was the main caregiver in their life. I know everyone thinks this is a dream come true. adopting these boys after our long struggle. but not my dream. and not hers.
she called the caseworker yesterday after court. and asked her to give me her number. and for the first time ever, I called her. the conversation went pretty well. all she asked of me was to tell them that she loved them, to send her pictures, and to allow her to still be in their lives. I didn't promise anything concrete. I told her I wasn't sure how it would look. and that any interaction with her had to be positive in order for that to happen. but I honestly told her that I never intend for her to not be a part of their life and I meant it. they may be "mine" for the rest of my life. but they were her's first. and she will always be their mother.
don't get me wrong. I love these two boys fiercely and I am gladly taking on the responsibility of being their mother for the rest of our lives. but it was definitely not how any of this was supposed to play out. she wasn't supposed to start this life with the odds stacked against her. she wasn't supposed to go down this path. so as much as I appreciate the well wishes and congratulations, please be understanding if my smile looks forced or painful and if I am not as overjoyed as you expected. I love these boys and I am happy to be their mom. but a "termination of parental rights" is never just a happy ending.
so moving on from that. an update on us as a family. Aaron had surgery on a herniated disc at the end of July. he is doing great and glad to be getting back to normal. I am loving getting back into a normal routine at the church now that a summer full of camp is over. Biggie started kindergarten at a new school and is LOVING it. I have known his teacher for 10+ years so that has given me an extra dose of peace about it from the beginning. Smalls started pre-k and has the same teacher Biggie had last year. we love her as well. he has had a little bit harder of a time adjusting but is still doing well. ittybitty is potty training and will be moving up to the 3 year old room in a week and a half. he loves all things Nemo and talking your ear off. both of the big boys will be starting soccer in a couple weeks and are very excited. over all, we are just living life like your normal family of 5, and loving it :)
I expected for what happened in the court room to get pretty dramatic. it didn't really. things were pretty cut and dry at this point. the boys have been in care for 30 months. the law states that the court will do everything in their power to have them in permanent situations within 12 months. yesterday was long over due.
so yesterday rights were officially terminated. the next time we go in the court room, we will come out with pictures of faces we can post and new names that we can tell you. that is very exciting to think about. and hopefully by then I will be ready to rejoice. but today I almost feel like I am in mourning. I never wanted it this way. my hopes and dreams for our boys consisted of us being in their lives, but while they lived with their mother. I wanted her to have her children in her home again. I wanted them to see her as their Momma. I would have been more than happy to be a friend that loved on them and offered support as needed, while she was the main caregiver in their life. I know everyone thinks this is a dream come true. adopting these boys after our long struggle. but not my dream. and not hers.
she called the caseworker yesterday after court. and asked her to give me her number. and for the first time ever, I called her. the conversation went pretty well. all she asked of me was to tell them that she loved them, to send her pictures, and to allow her to still be in their lives. I didn't promise anything concrete. I told her I wasn't sure how it would look. and that any interaction with her had to be positive in order for that to happen. but I honestly told her that I never intend for her to not be a part of their life and I meant it. they may be "mine" for the rest of my life. but they were her's first. and she will always be their mother.
don't get me wrong. I love these two boys fiercely and I am gladly taking on the responsibility of being their mother for the rest of our lives. but it was definitely not how any of this was supposed to play out. she wasn't supposed to start this life with the odds stacked against her. she wasn't supposed to go down this path. so as much as I appreciate the well wishes and congratulations, please be understanding if my smile looks forced or painful and if I am not as overjoyed as you expected. I love these boys and I am happy to be their mom. but a "termination of parental rights" is never just a happy ending.
so moving on from that. an update on us as a family. Aaron had surgery on a herniated disc at the end of July. he is doing great and glad to be getting back to normal. I am loving getting back into a normal routine at the church now that a summer full of camp is over. Biggie started kindergarten at a new school and is LOVING it. I have known his teacher for 10+ years so that has given me an extra dose of peace about it from the beginning. Smalls started pre-k and has the same teacher Biggie had last year. we love her as well. he has had a little bit harder of a time adjusting but is still doing well. ittybitty is potty training and will be moving up to the 3 year old room in a week and a half. he loves all things Nemo and talking your ear off. both of the big boys will be starting soccer in a couple weeks and are very excited. over all, we are just living life like your normal family of 5, and loving it :)
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