God is here

so one of our boys was supposed to have a dna test done to verify who is dad was on the 18th. they gave us this date several weeks out and said we had to come between 12 and 2. we told them those times weren't convenient to which they basically said "too bad." so we went. after waiting for about 10 minutes, they came out and told us, along with a lot of other people there for the same reason, that no tests would be done today because they were out of swabs. and they didn't run out on that day. they just didn't have any. really? this is the only "swab day" this month and you didn't check your stash. anyway.
they went to dna test him at school this week. how weird is that. "never have I ever been dna tested in the nurses office of my elementary school." he'll have to take a drink to that one in 30 years. it made me sad. but he wasn't phased by it.
later this week, a family we know that also fosters went to a court hearing for one of their kids. they found out there that in two weeks that child, who had been with them most of its life would be going to live with its grandparent in 2 weeks. 2 weeks. he will be leaving his family to go live with a stranger. who up to this point "didn't want them". we may be facing a very similar situation in October if that dna test turns out possitive. and this harsh reality breaks my heart. we have brothers that could quite possibly be separated so that one of them can live with "blood". how is this fair? how is that right? this possibility shakes me to my core. it leaves me in a pretty dark place and questioning a lot of things. why am I doing this foster care thing? will I be able to do it again? where is God in all of this? how can He "let" this happen?
and then Saturday came. we went to the pool. I know you are shocked. we are always there. a girl who I met in my chair at ulta a few years ago who I now call a friend, has been a foster mom for a month now. her and her child came and played for a couple hours. and then as they were leaving, the moment I have been looking forward to for a month happened. our princess came to play, with her new foster parents. it was so normal and natural and beautiful.
and that is when I saw Him. God. He is in foster care. all. up. in. it. there are humans in it too and they jack things up, often. but He is still there. He brought this couple in to our lives just a little over a month ago for this distinct purpose. and now we are all here. and here is so good.
how may foster moms do you know within a 20 mile radius? because I know 8! and that is pretty amazing. and those are only the ones I met outside of the dfcs office. that God introduced to me, one way or another. it is so beautiful. it is the best support group I have ever been apart of. some I know very well and have for years. others, I have merely swapped a few conversations here and there. but we all have each others backs. and we've all been there. and we are all here.
tonight there was a fall concert at our church. the title was "God is here". it was such a sweet reminder for me. because He is here. and He always will be. it reminded me of one of my favorite songs ever by Bebo Norman, I am:
"Come along, I'll walk you through the world And we will sing a different song
All along you have unfurled
But I will hold you from now on
I saw the day when you had lost your way
I saw the sun sinking low
I saw the night, remember how you cried
But don't you know you're not alone
No, you're not alone

I am in the sun, I am in the shade
I am in the light that love has made
I am in the cold, I am in the warm
I am in the center of your storm
I am in the fire, I am in the flood
I am in the marrow and the blood
When you cannot stand...I am

Come with me, I'll take you to the sea
And it will be all beautiful
And all the water that covers everything
Cannot compare to my love
For you my love

I am in the sun, I am in the shade
I am in the light that love has made
I am in the cold, I am in the warm
I am in the center of your storm
I am in the fire, I am in the flood
I am in the marrow and the blood
When you cannot stand...I am

When the light won't come
When your breath is gone
When your hope is done
Just look at me, look at me

I am in the sun, I am in the shade
I am in the light that love has made
I am in the cold, I am in the warm
I am in the center of your storm
I am in the fire, I am in the flood
I am in the marrow and the blood
When you cannot stand

I am in the sun, I am in the shade
I am in the light that love has made
I am in the cold, I am in the warm
I am in the center of your storm
I am in the fire, I am in the flood
I am in the marrow and the blood
When you cannot stand...I am"

I am so thankful that He is in that dna and that He holds all of the fates of these children in His hand. cause I am going to have plenty of more storms where I can not stand. I am so thankful that God is here