frequently asked questions

So we are 8 weeks in and I thought it would be fun to answer the questions we constantly get asked. So here goes...

How long will you have them?

Quite honestly we have no idea. If they leave us, it will be to go with a permanent home, most likely either returning to their mother or being adopted by family.  We expect to have them at least 6 more months. 

Have you adopted them? Will you adopt them?

We have not adopted them. The mother still has her parental rights. She is still legally their parent. If those rights are terminated, we will have the option to be CONSIDERED for adoption. We would definitely choose to be considered and it is most likely we would be chosen. However, we ultimately want whatever is best for the boys.

Why can't you post their names/faces?

The state ultimately decides what is best for children in foster care. They have trained us and trust us with the little stuff. But the big stuff is decided by them. They decided when social media took off that it was in the best interest of everyone involved not to post those things. I don't know the exact reason but I can imagine it is because it would be upsetting and discouraging for a biological parent to see a foster parent posting pictures of a child they could not see.

What has been the most unexpected thing so far?

I am still shocked by how quickly they latched on to us. It is kinda sad on a lot of levels that it is so natural for them to move in with complete strangers.  But I am thankful that they are so open to love. In some ways, it feels like they have been here forever. 

What has been your favorite thing so far?

I have loved this opportunity to be a family of 4. Don't get me wrong, I treasured the time Aaron and I spent alone together and I still miss it at times but I love having my group :) I love having 3 other people to go and do with and to come home to and to experience life with.

What has been the worst part so far?

I hate to say it but the hardest part has definitely been working with dfcs and the employees. I am well aware that they are over worked and underpaid but it still leaves us and the boys neglected and frustrated a lot of the time. Thankfully everything is kinda on auto pilot now so we don't need them for much but in the first month this was especially hard

What would you tell others considering becoming foster parents? 

I would advise looking into using a private agency as opposed to going thru your local dfcs office. I don't know why I didn't but I wish I had. Bethany Christian services along with many other adoption agencies also do fostering and provide better support for the foster families.
I would also say to expect the unexpected and be prepared for everyone else in this scenario to come before yourself. But don't worry. It will almost be a relief to feel so small. Don't be surprised by how capable you are to love children who aren't "yours" and parents you have never met. 

What has been our funniest moment?
Each morning, I am awoken by smalls chanting "I-have-to-go-paw-day!" Over and over. Most mornings by the time I go in their room and say lets go potty, he quickly says "I don't need to go!" It is all merely a ploy to get us out of bed. One morning we heard his chanting so we got up. He said it 3 times and the  stopped.  Then to the same rhythm he started chanting,  "I peed on myself! I peed on myself!" Aaron and I died laughing.

What have we learned through all of this about God?
I have learned how gracious God is. It is easy to say, "Their mother doesn't deserve for me to speak highly of her or to have them back or to see them. " but then I am promptly reminded of how undeserving I am and how thankful I am for grace and forgiveness.
I have also learned that God really can give you the strength to accomplish anything. I had always heard that, but I had never experienced it. I really wasn't confident that we were capable of all of this. However, with supernatural strength and patience and understanding,  we have not just survived,  but thrived. Aaron and I are loving life now more than ever.


How can you pray for us?
Pray that things continue to go smoothly. Pray that we continue to grow and learn how to better parent these boys. Pray that they will truly feel loved and learn to love. Pray for their mother. And when you pray for all of us, pray that regardless of the outcome of this situation,  that we will all come out the other side of this better than we were going in to it.

Finally,  how are the boys?
They are great. Biggie will be 4 on January 27th and smalls will be 3 on March 21st. They are very excited about Christmas. Biggie wants a "saughter ball and saughter shoes" (thats 3 year old for soccer). Smalls just wants "howwoween canny" (that's 2 year old for Halloween candy).

I had a very sweet conversation with biggie about Jesus and his mother tonight but this post is already long enough so I'll probably blog again in a day or two. Until then, foster love :)