biggie has another girl in his life...
Life has been going pretty well since our last update. We had family pictures made. They are adorable :) and then there was a road trip to South Carolina. We learned the boys love the zoo, the Murries, and the Melvins. Biggie doesn't mind car rides as long as he has movies to watch. Smalls however HATES car rides. This made for an interesting 5 hours. But we still had fun. Thanksgiving was fun. Lots of good food. I decorated for Christmas today while the boys were at school. They loved coming home to the house all lit up :)
Now on to the point of this blog... each night while we are eating, Aaron tries to give me a kiss and the boys yell at him not to. They are mostly joking. It is so cute. The 3 of them proceed to argue over whose girl I am. I would be lying if I said I wasn't flattered by this. The other night during this nightly ritual, biggie exclaimed, "Maci Dobbins is my girl!" What?! Yep. He has a girlfriend. Isn't he too young for that. I told him I was jealous which he found hilarious. I made him point her out to me the next morning at school. She's a cute little thing. I guess I just have to accept it.
All of this Maci Dobbins talk has been reminding me that he isn't really mine to start with. That's hard to type. Several weeks ago when smalls was mad at me he cried repeatedly for his mommy. This was particularly upsetting for me for obvious reasons. I thought to myself "will I ever be enough for him?" I felt an immediate overwhelming peace come over me. I could hear the Lord telling me "No. No one will. Except Me." Man that is a relief. No matter what, I will never be enough for anyone. And I don't need to be. That perspective has made all of this exponentially easier.
But I still can't stop thinking about their mother. I want to meet her so badly. I don't really know what I would say or do. I just want to be in her presence. I find myself thinking of her in everything I do. I have ornaments my mother got me as a child for my 1st thru 5th Christmas. I was hanging them today and thought about how these boys are several Christmases in and don't have ornaments. And then I thought about how their mother most likely didn't get ornaments like that either. Don't get me wrong, I by no means think that having ornaments bought for me the first 5 years of my life made me a better person. I do know that having people in my life that bought said ornaments among providing me with countless other things made me who I am today. I don't know it for a fact, but I can guess that she didn't have many people like that, if any. That breaks my heart. I want so badly to have a relationship with her. We have a Christmas present for her. We are really hoping that our case worker can get in touch with her and that we can see her soon. My prayer and my deepest desire is that she would know that she has worth. I want her to know she is capable of being loved and showing love in a healthy way and that she deserves it. I want her to know that not only do I love her boys more than I ever thought possible, but I also have an overwhelming love for her. I don't know what will come of meeting her, but I know nothing will come of not meeting her. So hopefully we will be able to meet her soon.
I will be sending out Christmas cards soon and am referring recipients to the blog for information so I'll be writing a more lighthearted, informative blog within the week, but I wanted to get this all out. Anyway. Thanks for reading. And say a prayer that I can keep my jealousy of Maci Dobbins under control :)
Now on to the point of this blog... each night while we are eating, Aaron tries to give me a kiss and the boys yell at him not to. They are mostly joking. It is so cute. The 3 of them proceed to argue over whose girl I am. I would be lying if I said I wasn't flattered by this. The other night during this nightly ritual, biggie exclaimed, "Maci Dobbins is my girl!" What?! Yep. He has a girlfriend. Isn't he too young for that. I told him I was jealous which he found hilarious. I made him point her out to me the next morning at school. She's a cute little thing. I guess I just have to accept it.
All of this Maci Dobbins talk has been reminding me that he isn't really mine to start with. That's hard to type. Several weeks ago when smalls was mad at me he cried repeatedly for his mommy. This was particularly upsetting for me for obvious reasons. I thought to myself "will I ever be enough for him?" I felt an immediate overwhelming peace come over me. I could hear the Lord telling me "No. No one will. Except Me." Man that is a relief. No matter what, I will never be enough for anyone. And I don't need to be. That perspective has made all of this exponentially easier.
But I still can't stop thinking about their mother. I want to meet her so badly. I don't really know what I would say or do. I just want to be in her presence. I find myself thinking of her in everything I do. I have ornaments my mother got me as a child for my 1st thru 5th Christmas. I was hanging them today and thought about how these boys are several Christmases in and don't have ornaments. And then I thought about how their mother most likely didn't get ornaments like that either. Don't get me wrong, I by no means think that having ornaments bought for me the first 5 years of my life made me a better person. I do know that having people in my life that bought said ornaments among providing me with countless other things made me who I am today. I don't know it for a fact, but I can guess that she didn't have many people like that, if any. That breaks my heart. I want so badly to have a relationship with her. We have a Christmas present for her. We are really hoping that our case worker can get in touch with her and that we can see her soon. My prayer and my deepest desire is that she would know that she has worth. I want her to know she is capable of being loved and showing love in a healthy way and that she deserves it. I want her to know that not only do I love her boys more than I ever thought possible, but I also have an overwhelming love for her. I don't know what will come of meeting her, but I know nothing will come of not meeting her. So hopefully we will be able to meet her soon.
I will be sending out Christmas cards soon and am referring recipients to the blog for information so I'll be writing a more lighthearted, informative blog within the week, but I wanted to get this all out. Anyway. Thanks for reading. And say a prayer that I can keep my jealousy of Maci Dobbins under control :)
Thanks for this update! What a wonderful story.
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