late night ramblings...

I know you have probably forgotten I had a blog. I mostly do. but tonight I can't sleep and big things are coming so I thought I would get some things out of my head. 

we are getting so close to an adoption date for our 3 middle ones who have been in our home almost 3 years. 

it's a long time coming. but it should have never happened. it was never supposed to be this way. this wasn't God's plan. 

it's been said that love makes a family. and it certainly can. but genetics makes a family first. that's how God designed it. 

humans broke it. we are all so broken. even families that appear whole on the outside are often far from it.

our culture has come to view adoption as this beautiful bow that ties together all of these loose pieces and makes everyone whole again. but it's not. it's not that simple.

and I know Jesus can make us all whole again. but that doesn't happen overnight.

adoption is coming soon. and for us it will be a day with lots of joy. but it will have come at the expense of so much heartache. 

this day isn't our fairy tale ending. in more ways it is just the beginning. this day won't fix us. it will likely be the beginning of processing more brokenness.

so instead of that pretty bow, I am imagining a hand binding. a lifelong commitment. I know that our children have experienced brokenness.  I can't fix it. and I will do my best to remember that. but our hands will be bound together and I will walk by their side as we face it all together, all the days ahead.