dandelions and foster care

did you know, that there was a time that people would pull up the grass in their yards to make room for dandelions? this trend changed in the 1800's.
dandelion seeds commonly spread as many as 5 miles from their origin.

for as long as I can remember, I have been especially attracted to this plant. like most children, I loved to blow the plant and make a wish. I told my mother once as a teenager that I wanted to use them at my wedding. in high school, I heard the song by Five Iron Frenzy titled Dandelion and fell in love with the plant all over again.

my best friend gave me a wall hanging for my birthday that says "life is a balance of holding on and letting go" with dandelions on it. it may sound cliche' but it is so true.
enter foster care. so often I hear those words that cause me to cringe, "I couldn't do it. I would get too attached. what about when they leave?"

here is the truth. are you ready for this? if you are a parent in America, I would bet you are "too attached" to your child. and they are going to leave. hopefully when you are ready for that and when they are entering adult hood. but it could be when they are a teen and get in a car accident or when childhood cancer strikes. you see, as depressing as this is, our reality is that we don't own or decide any of it. it is all a balance of which we have minimal control.

I am thankful for what foster care has taught me about this balance. I am glad for my perspective. October 18th of 2014 two boys moved into our home. after tomorrow, they will be "ours forever". what a gift. they entered our home with no promises. every day with them has been a gift we were never certain we would receive. I was ecstatic to celebrate their birthdays, and I knew I may not celebrate the next. I also tried my best to teach them right from wrong, even when that wasn't fun. that chance may not have come again.

this story has a happy ending. but I used quotations earlier because they still aren't "mine". they never will be.

I got married 6 years ago and I did not carry dandelions. I bet you could guess why. even if my wedding venue had a lawn full, between when I picked the flower and was ready to take pictures or walk down the isle, all of its iconic seeds would be gone. to say that the seeds belong to the dandelion, that it had any ownership of them at all would be absurd. yes, the seeds originate from the plant. that is their home at first. but they can never stay. they may be carried inches from the plant, or 5 miles. they may linger for a day or two, or instantly be blown away. but they are never expected to stay on the plant forever.

tomorrow for us is the beginning of a lot. no more case worker visits. no more explanation for differing names. legally they will be "ours" forever. and I am thankful for that. but they won't be any more "ours" than they were yesterday or two years ago. and I hope to still celebrate each birthday as if the next isn't promised, because it is not. I want to take every opportunity to challenge and grow them. one day, I may not be able to. 

life is a balance of holding on and letting go.

we are so thankful to the Lord that we will legally be entrusted with these sweet boys through the rest of their childhood. we will feel a little lighter, knowing that the state will not be separating them from us or each other. we are thankful to be able to hold onto them for a while longer.

we also hold our breath as we are in the middle of a new experience with ittybitty (our youngest foster son who we will not adopt tomorrow). he has family that has come forward and would like a relationship with him. they are good. they love him. they share his dna. we don't know yet what his relationship will look like with them in the future. it is likely that he will not be in our home much longer. the thought of letting go is painful. but the fact that he has this opportunity to share a home with someone who loves him, can keep him safe and shares his dna really is beautiful.

and then there is Hannah (17). she and her baby, Levi (9 months) have been with us since early December. who knows when they are leaving. she has had different dates in mind but they always seem to change. she gave us a new date the other day. I said "Hannah, I have learned that I will believe you are leaving once you are gone. but you and Levi are welcome to live here as long as you need!" we truly are grateful to provide them a place to land for as long as they need.

foster care and dandelions has truly taught me to "live in the balance" as I like to call it.

tomorrow is a very big day. so for now we are excited to hold on, bracing ourselves to let go, and grateful to be living in the balance.