bigger

 

he's getting bigger. baby boy has been in our family for 9 months and has quadrupled in size. he has 6 teeth and is trying to walk. he is babbling and just as cute as ever.

he had a court hearing today. it's standard that they happen at certain milestones in the case. nothing drastic was stated. he's our first "baby" and for me it is easier to forget the reality of it all. that we aren't his parents. that it isn't supposed to be this way. that he isn't ours. I was reminded of all of that today. our knee jerk reaction is to speak up and explain why we think he would be best off with us forever. but that isn't our job. foster care is bigger than that. God's plan is bigger than that.

so we wait...

these three little loves have been with us a year and a half. in the beginning it seemed very likely that they would be reunited with biological family. a few months back it became very apparent that wasn't an option. we've been asked if we would be willing to adopt them and we've said yes. there was still a process ahead. but at this point at least we know the outcome. or so we thought. we are still on track to be their "forever". but it is unfolding in an entirely different way than we ever thought. I know that's vague. but tonight that's what you get. and I won't apologize. their story is bigger than a blog. the feelings. the details. the questions. they are bigger.

foster care is always bigger than us. so are God's plans. we know this. but between the pandemic and the nature of our kid's cases, DFCS has not had as strong of a presence in the day to day stuff for us. in time we forgot how heavy bigger things are. the past 3 days have been particularly heavy for Aaron and me. we signed up for this. it is our greatest joy to carry. but it doesn't come without hardship. we are tired. our hearts ache. but we keep on. because we are called to foster love. and that is bigger.