#ilovestmark

I love St. Mark. I have for as long as I can remember. it's home. for the past four and a half years it's been my job too. pretty soon, it won't be any more. there are lots of why's so I will do my best to explain...

it's the job that I dreamed of as a kid. and it has been as wonderful as I dreamed and more. I have grown in ways I never knew possible. I have gained so many friends and mentors and family. I have gotten to be apart of so much growth and joy and of course some tears and struggles.

we have been foster parents for the past five years. this has also been a calling for me and in many ways a dream come true. it has been the most beautiful thing I have ever done. it has also been the most challenging. 

I worked at a church in college. a church that had so much faith in the Lord, that they hired an 18 year old to be their children's director. I gained so much there too. bonds that were formed in those three years are even stronger today. I grew so much professionally and spiritually. but I ultimately left hurt and confused. I swore I would never work in a church again. it wasn't for me.

I finished up hair school and began working in the salon. my first day, a woman I had never met sat in my chair. she was broken. recently divorced. getting back into the work force. she came in to have her hair cut and colored. I spent about two hours with her. we talked. color processed. I took great joy in cutting and styling her hair. she left lighter and more hopeful. I know this can sound so simple. especially to men. but I knew that day that I had chosen a career where I would do the Lords work.

fast forward a few years, we had been fostering a few months and I received word that my "dream job" was open. only it wasn't my dream anymore. I wasn't interested. but after some nudging from the Holy Spirit in the form of a text from an acquaintance, I reconsidered.

I took the job and it was wonderful. church work still had the political junk that stinks. but the beauty of working with children is they don't know about any of it.

but as time went on I felt myself unravel. I said "yes" to a very complicated foster situation where I might should have said "no". I said goodbye to a son who was never actually mine. my church went through changes. division in the denomination caused division in my soul. my feelings about all of this lead to a lost relationship with a dear relative. in the weight and the stress of it all I decided to leave the salon. something had to go and it seemed like the simplest choice. but I continued to unravel. life went on. I wasn't miserable or anything. but I wasn't me. church work continued to wear on me and I didn't know what to do. I went to a conference and heard this song. it was pretty. but I didn't think much of it. 

I heard it again a few weeks later and it spoke to me.

You go before I know

That You've gone to win my war
You come back with the head of my enemy
You come back and You call it my victory

You go before I know
That You've gone to win my war
Your love becomes my greatest defense
It leads me from the dry wilderness

All I did was praise
All I did was worship
All I did was bow down
All I did was stay still

Hallelujah, You have saved me
So much better Your way
Hallelujah, great Defender
So much better Your way

You know before I do
Where my heart can seek to find Your truth
Your mercy is the shade I'm living in
You restore my faith and hope again

All I did was praise
All I did was worship
All I did was bow down
All I did was stay still

Hallelujah, You have saved me
So much better this way
Hallelujah, great Defender
So much better this way

Hallelujah, You have saved me
So much better Your way
Hallelujah, great Defender
So much better Your way

When I thought I lost me
You knew where I left me
You reintroduced me to Your love
You picked up all my pieces
Put me back together
You are the defender of my heart

When I thought I lost me
You knew where I left me
You reintroduced me to Your love
You picked up all my pieces
Put me back together
You are the defender of my heart

Hallelujah, You have saved me
So much better this way
Hallelujah, great Defender
So much better Your way

Hallelujah, You have saved me
So much better this way
Hallelujah, great Defender
So much better Your way

All I did was praise
All I need to do is worship
Lord I will just bow down
I'm just gonna stay still

I was reminded that you don't have to be at a church to do the Lords work. I was reminded of what the lord can do when we stay still. I was reminded that I might have felt lost but there is One who always knows who I am.

I began working at Southern Glam Salon on November 1st. it has felt right from the moment I walked in to interview. I have already had a similar encounter to the one I had on my first day almost 9 years ago. I love doing hair. I love creating beauty out of ordinary. I love getting to know my clients and doing everything I can to make this little facet of their life better. 

I also love that when the hair is done and the salon is closed, my work is over. I am looking forward to having more margin and more time to enjoy with my family. my kids are already growing so quickly. I am so excited to have more time to experience things with them without the distraction of lingering deadlines and unfinished tasks. 

we all still love St. Mark. it will always be home. I will be working there through the end of the year. we will likely worship elsewhere after that. we are praying and seeking the Lord's direction in that and I hope you will pray for us too.

change is always a little scary and this new chapter for us will certainly have it's challenges. but we are reminded that we are His and all we need to do is stay still.